Monday, April 20, 2015

Time keeps on marchhing

Wow...I can't believe I haven't taken the time to sit and write anything since February.  Shame on me,  right?!?!  It has been a crazy few months of ups and downs and emotions is all I can really say.

First and foremost, my hubby's  back.    We are (finally) successfully two weeks post-op  today.  The difference is amazing.  He was in pain for so  long, and it was heart breaking to watch.  The idea that no matter what  I did,  nothing could make him feel better.  This road was a long one, but amazingly brought us so much closer together.  I would never  wish what he went through on anyone, especially for the length of time that  he was suffering, but honestly...the new appreciation we both have for each other  is beyond  words.

I have always known that he was the driving force behind me, behind being better, stronger, more present in our relationship...but I didn't realize how much it affected me until the past few months.  In my exhaustion of running the kids everywhere...not an exaggeration, it reached the point where being in the car  too long,  or standing/sitting in certain places was unbearable for him so I became the primary chauffeur and errand  runner.   When physical  things needed done around the house, I was the one taking on the majority of the work.  When I would feel defeated or exhausted or at my wits end, I would get a text from him reminding me how much he loved me and how much he appreciated everything I was doing.

He pushed the kids to be more independent to allow time for me to take care of me too.  Squeeze in workouts,  help out with chores, anything and everything.  Now that he is on the mend, the  family mindset has been changed  for  the better.  My 5 year old asked me when we were going for a run the other day.  What?!?!  Amazing!  My thirteen year  old asked to go through and use my workout tapes.  What?!?!  Once we get the okay from the doc, the plan is to renew the whole family 's  membership plan for the rec center and get into a  habit of exercise everyday...for ALL OF US!  I love it!

I have had so many moments over the past few  months where I was so moved by something, or so worried that I thought, I should write about this...but  then when I would sit down to start...fear would take over  my heart.  My biggest  fear being what if something goes wrong.  As the supportive and loving spouse you focus on the positive.  You reassure your husband that things will be great, the light is at the end of the tunnel (not THAT light fear factor), we will take control of  our lives again!  But everywhere I turned there was bad.  Sat to watch Grey's  the week before and two healthy, strong police officer die end  of brain dead from throwing clots in surgery.  Not what I needed to hear right then, people asking a bout the surgery and the look  of fear when they found out how extensive it was going to be...great,  thanks peeps!

Our surgeon is amazing!  He was reassuring, calm and present, it made  me feel better just talking with him before hand.  The kiddos sat with me so patiently in the OR waiting room, along with my parents and my MIL.  Such good girls.  They have really been shining stars through  this  whole thing.

And today,  2 weeks post op, my honey is driving the girls to school.  He cleaned up the garage some yesterday, helped  do  yard work,   walked the Botanical Gardens.  We are  all working on building our endurance again, and we are  doing it as a team!  All  four of us actively  engaged.  We have had moments  like this, but  they have always been fleeting...I think we are finally all on the same page.  We are all focused on the right things.   My 5 year old even wants her own fitbit.  HA  I think we may invest in the kidfit...any thoughts or experiences out there with that.

Today, I am taking a deep breath and being thankful.  I  am thankful for my family,  my health and my blessings. How are you starting over  today?

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